Chapter 23 - Technique Is Muscle Memory (19+)
Heerak wasn’t sure if this was just his feeling, but the shoulders in his arms felt more rigid than before. Heerak clicked his tongue to himself. He sounded more riled up than expected. This wasn’t even something to be that worked up over.
“What?!” Heerak quickly retorted to the voice that came after some silence. Inside, he knew he slipped up again. Didn’t he sound like he was outright enraged now?
It had been a while since he acted like this.
Heerak sounded like a brat. Naturally putting on a friendly smile and speaking in a gentle tone was his daily practice. He spent every day acting coy and humble out of necessity. The sharp and emotional tone that he let out time and time again was something he didn’t do even when he was an adolescent.
“I don’t know if I heard this right…”
Was it because he yelled in response? Doseon took his time to say what was on his mind.
“What is it? Just say it.” Heerak decided that he could cooperate a bit. He took a few deep breaths before answering Doseon in a calm voice.
“Uh, so… Are you implying that there will be a next time?”
It was Heerak’s turn to stay quiet.
He felt like he had been one-upped.
After feeling a little stab from being exposed, embarrassment rushed in its place, heating up his face instantly.
When he yelled all that nonsense, he secretly felt relief. He blurted out whatever he wanted in his anger, without giving a damn, to make himself feel better, so he didn’t regret this.
If he were to repeat that moment, he was sure he would say that kind of “bullshit” again. This time was the same. He didn’t act on his nonsense yet, and it was just a little embarrassing, but he was already looking forward to next time.
There was nothing to gain from being mute any longer.
Heerak answered tersely, “I would like there to be a next time.”
The shoulders in his arms shook a little. Feeling a bit anxious at the light tremble, Heerak added quietly.
“What do you think, Doseon?”
The answer came quicker than expected. “If you want it, Director, I’m happy with that too,” Doseon quickly added. He seemed to have replied because he felt rushed to give an answer. His lips squirmed tentatively, unable to form words, before he whispered quietly, “However…”
The end of his words dwindled. His voice died away, as if he did not intend to continue his sentence. Heerak pressed on by asking, “However?” pushing him to continue.
“Wouldn’t there be no next time?”
Heerak could hear a hint of laughter in Doseon’s voice. “I’m not sure why, but I just had that thought.”
The vague voice dissipated into the air in an instant.
Heerak didn’t press on. It would be pathetic for Heerak to tell Doseon off for saying something ridiculous or to keep questioning him why he thought that. Doseon too did not say it while expecting a reply.
Heerak got off his bed.
He went to the kitchen to grab a few bottles of water and visited his powder room to grab his favorite body lotion.
When he came back to his bedroom, Doseon was lying properly on his back in bed again. He observed the side of the man’s face, staring blankly at the ceiling. Aside from blinking, Doseon did not move at all. It looked extremely strange and unnatural. Doseon always had a stoic and placid face, so it felt like he didn’t care about anything at all.
“Are you nervous?” Heerak asked as he approached the bed. He laid his body atop Doseon, being careful not to put too much weight on him.
“More than that night?”
After some thought, Doseon opened his mouth slowly, “Yes, I think so.”
“That’s good. You can get nervous too sometimes, huh? Nice, good on you. I’d be pretty upset if I was the only one nervous.”
Heerak chuckled and narrowed his eyes. He buried his lips into Doseon’s nape and moved smoothly across his skin, making kissing sounds. He could feel the other tremble. For a moment, he thought about turning up the heating or pulling up his bed covers, but he erased those notions from his thoughts. It was going to get hot anyways.
“Yes?” Heerak answered and pressed his lips down lower. He felt the trembles intensify from the skin he was touching.
“I think you’re too close.”
And here Heerak was, wondering what Doseon would say after stalling.
Heerak looked up. The tips of their noses touched. Doseon’s eyes shook when he saw the distance between their faces. “Ahaha! Well, how’re you going to have sex if you’re not close?”
Doseon blinked in quick succession, then sighed while nodding. “I guess you have a point,” and then he quickly added, “Then, how about turning off a few lights?”
Heerak grinned. He could understand why Doseon suggested that. Upon reentering his bedroom, Heerak turned on all the lights he could with his remote control. He had a good reason for it.
“I also think that having all the lights on kills the mood. But I have no choice today,” Heerak said in a low mumble, as if to ask for understanding. “I don’t know how I did it back then. So even though I get how you feel, to me, tonight is the first time I’m having a passionate time with a beta. I need to watch your expressions, and I want to take care not to hurt you. I need to see well to do that, so I can make the right call at the right time.”
Doseon, who was silently listening, whispered quietly, “It feels like I’m inconveniencing you.”
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