Chapter 16 - Filling in The Gaps
Doseon Yoon. He was 34. Surprisingly, he was older than Heerak. He had worked at Hodie for five months. His parents were middle-class betas, and his only sibling was a sister three years his elder. He lived without experiencing big hardships, and nothing about him stood out.
Heerak only read the first page of the documents handed over by Seokchan. Just reading the first page was enough. It seemed like there would be more trivial and detailed information behind the front page, but Heerak did not feel the need to read it. The point was that Doseon lived a life that could be summarized in a few sentences. Just from a glance, there were no big incidents in Doseon’s life. In Heerak’s view, he lived a peaceful and boring life.
Dinner came first.
There was a lot that he wanted to talk about, but he decided to keep it in for now. It was not really the best dinner conversation. As the plates in front of them were swapped out, Heerak stuffed his mouth with food as if he were completing a mission.
Heerak felt uncomfortable as they continued to dine without any conversation. It did not look like Doseon was going to start talking any time soon, and Heerak thought that he at least should engage in small talk, but that was harder than expected. The casual jokes that he could usually throw did not come out at all.
“Is this to your taste?” he was finally able to ask.
Why was it so difficult for him to come up with that? If he needed to wring out his brain just to think of something to say, he must have felt more threatened by the situation than he expected.
Doseon nodded and answered quietly.
“Yes, it’s delicious. Thank you for asking.”
“That’s good to hear.”
After that, they exchanged some small talk. Heerak could not tell what exactly he was eating, but as he continued the conversation, the meal was done before he knew it. Finally, after all the dishes were served and taken away, they were served with coffee.
The real conversation started now.
No more staff were going to frequent their room. Heerak felt like he could now say the things he was reluctant to while they were eating. Of course, it did not seem like they would come out any easier. He felt a bit unsettled that he would have to probe around and ask questions that were both unbecoming of him and borderline s*xual harassment to get to the bottom of what really happened that night.
“Mr. Doseon Yoon.”
“There were some things that I couldn’t ask properly because I missed the chance, and I was quite flustered. Some of my questions might be difficult to answer, so I’ll apologize in advance.”
Unlike Heerak’s grimace, Doseon looked composed from the beginning.
“No problem. Feel free to ask anything.”
Heerak grabbed the glass of ice water instead of the coffee. Strangely, his throat felt parched.
“Even if you say you were fine and not in pain anywhere, I think differently. That entire time I, haah…”
‘Do I really have to go this far?’
Heerak exhaled deeply and continued to string his words together with some difficulty.
“I keep thinking that I wouldn’t have done things properly while being that drunk. I wouldn’t have worried about this if you were an omega, but that’s not the case here. If you were hurt anywhere because I forced myself on you, be honest and tell me.”
Doseon, who was listening quietly, shook his head gently.
“Not at all. You were very kind to me.”
There was no hint of hesitation on his face. He also did not look like he was lying. Heerak narrowed his eyes and asked, “Was I?” as if to confirm.
“Yes, rest assured, you were.”
“I still can’t really believe that. There’s no way you would have been able to eat mine— no, that’s not what I want to say.”
Some vulgar words almost slipped out without him noticing. Heerak shook his head hard and cleared his throat.
Doseon spoke up then.
“By any chance, did you want to know how you were able to penetrate me?”
He couldn’t be happier that the other said it first. He was not any less thrown off by the matter-of-fact way Doseon stated it, but it was a good thing he could continue the conversation smoothly.
Heerak laughed hollowly and affirmed.
“Haha, yes. That. That’s exactly what I want to know.”
“Penetration was a bit difficult at first. I was nervous, and I thought it would hurt quite a bit if you just shoved it in. While I was flustered, there happened to be some lotion on the vanity, so I used that as a temporary lubricant. I used the lotion to unskillfully stretch my…”
Heerak waved his hands around and cut him off.
“Stop, stop! I get it.”
He could not bear to hear the explicit description any further. He could usually laugh off most lecherous conversations, but this time was a bit difficult. Even though his face was crumbling in embarrassment, Doseon maintained his placid face, to the point that it irritated Heerak to no end.
Because he could not remember anything, he had no choice but to take these words for the truth. Rather than completely believing him, it was more correct to say that he was just overlooking it. No matter how much he loosened himself up with lotion, there was no way that it would not have hurt, and that troubled him.
He could not stop here.
He had so many more questions to ask.
He had so many questions, he wondered if he could ask all of them today. What were they again?
There was a lot, but now that he was trying to recall them, he drew a blank.
Heerak leaned on the table with his elbow and massaged around his forehead. His phone, set beside his water glass, came into sight. One of the questions he was dying to ask popped into his head.
“I’m going to ask you, but don’t feel hurt by it. I really just want to confirm one thing.”
Doseon nodded and replied.
“Okay, ask me anything.”
Although he was not sure he needed to go this far, it didn’t change the fact that this was an obstacle he needed to overcome. Heerak asked in a low, unwilling voice.
“Is there something I should be worried about saved on your phone?”
“What do you mean exactly…?”
“I’m talking about photos or videos.”
His lips opened then came to a slow close. Because he was intently watching all of Doseon’s movements, Heerak froze without knowing. He did not want to believe that Doseon’s lips did not give him the no that he so wanted to hear.
What the hell?
The forced smile on Heerak’s beautiful face slowly grew frigid.
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