Chapter 48 - Since When
“When will you get used to this?”
I didn’t know if he was actually curious or just complaining. All I could do was droop like a doll and rest my head on his shoulder. Keith had let go of my arm, but I continued to lean on him. He left me be without bothering to push me away so that I could take in his scent to my heart’s extent.
I could smell the scent of his pheromones along with the refreshing sensation of his suit. A faint whiff of body wash and cool toner was also mixed in. It was the aftertaste of intercourse. I felt a little melancholic.
Drunk with his pheromones, I muttered, “Dr. Steward… told me that I’ve gotten much better.”
I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Keith’s pheromones permeated my body. My consciousness was gradually becoming fuzzy. It was okay to rest easy. I was taking more meds than recommended every day so that I wouldn’t get hard in front of this man—so that he wouldn’t be disgusted by me.
What would happen if I went mad?
Would I also lose all memory of it as Extreme Alphas do?
‘I would rather prefer that.’
“Hahh…” I exhaled deeply, almost like a sigh.
I would never get used to this. After all, I was an omega—one that was head over heels for this man at that.
‘Someday, if this feeling fades, will I feel nothing even when I smell this man’s scent?’ I wondered, even though my painfully pounding heart made it impossible to imagine that such a day would come.
I was able to stop myself from becoming hard, but I couldn’t stop my consciousness from drifting away from me. I blacked out for a split second, and my knees, which were just managing to support my weight, gave in. The rapidly sinking sensation abruptly pulled my consciousness back in. Keith had caught me by my arms. Thankfully, I had avoided splatting onto the floor, but I ended up pathetically kneeling before him.
I looked up to apologize to Keith. When our eyes met, however, nothing came to mind. As I continued to just stare, Keith also silently looked down at me.
“Hahh.” Just then, Keith let out a sigh. I merely blinked my eyes lethargically.
My body suddenly rose into the air. Keith had picked me up and practically threw me onto the sofa. My body violently slammed against its surface, but my head was still hazy. When I slowly turned my head, I saw Keith—with his hands placed on each armrest—standing over and staring at me. I subconsciously swallowed my breath.
Had I ever seen Keith from this close? My brain was cloudy, and I couldn’t remember very well. However, I vaguely noticed that his purple eyes were much darker than usual today.
Just as I thought of its elegant violet petals, Keith stooped down.
‘Is he going to kiss me?’ I closed my eyes in clumsy expectations, but I was wrong. I felt a sudden breath on the nape of my neck. In the spur of the moment, I held my breath.
I felt him breathe in deeply. Keith was taking in my scent, just like what often happened when alphas and omegas became physically united. My pulse thrashed about my neck. The general belief was that most people would sniff their potential partner’s scent first before deciding whether to accept them as their partner, but I always believed it to be the bare minimum excuse as humans to conceal their animalistic desires. However, ironically, the act was no different from that of an animal.
‘That just makes them sound like wild animals,’ I hazily recalled what Whitaker had said.
How was I any different right now?
I swallowed my breath hard and accepted Keith’s pheromones into my entire body. Was this what doing drugs felt like? My whole body felt lighter than air. It felt as if my soul would just fly away across the galaxy. However, I didn’t feel afraid at all. A pleasant listlessness and a sense of buoyancy intoxicated me. It was Keith’s voice that pulled me back to reality.
“…Why don’t I smell anything from you?”
I barely managed to lift my heavy eyelids. Before I knew it, Keith was looking up and staring at me. For a moment, I was taken by his face that was much too close to mine. It felt like my lips could touch his if I just puckered them a tiny, little bit. If my paper-thin conscience hadn’t desperately held me back, I would have done it. Thankfully, I wasn’t that out of my mind yet.
“I’ve been… taking meds, more… than the dosage,” I said with a faltering voice.
Keith stared at me in silence. His eyes—which I could never read—darkened even more. “Since when?”
I replied languidly once again, “Ever since… you asked me to erase my pheromones… Mr. Pittman.”
For a moment, Keith showed no reaction. Then, a faint crease took over his brows, and he belatedly murmured like a sigh. “Ahh…” He must have at least remembered what he had said. It was a little surprising as I expected him to have completely forgotten.
‘He usually has a good memory after all,’ I thought, still feeling cloudy.
Keith opened his mouth. “…You haven’t had a scent since then?”
He murmured, almost mumbled to himself, and I once again couldn’t grasp how I should react. So I just replied with a simple affirmative. Keith fell silent once again.
Just then, I noticed that he was making a strange facial expression. I thought I saw hints of helplessness, surprise, loathing, irritation, and dejectedness. He was making such a complex face that it made me wonder if Keith had always been so expressive.
Keith suddenly stood up. His tall, sturdy body immediately lifted upright. I looked up at him, and still sitting down, I felt intimidated by him amidst my hazy consciousness. I intuitively curled in my shoulders, feeling as if I was shrinking endlessly. Keith stroked his chin. He seemed to be thinking about something for a while before irritatedly sweeping up his hair.
“Go upstairs,” Keith spat.
He immediately turned around and exited the room as I blankly stared at his back.
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