Chapter 9: Papa and Mama Should Not Fight (1)
Our face was drawn close together; even his breathing I could hear. I tightened my hands into a knot expecting the unknown, but nothing happened. There was no lip pressing. John’s grip on my waist also relaxed.
I felt helplessly relieved. Or was I really? His head rested against my shoulder, not my lips. I closed my eyes, breathed slowly, attempting to figure out what to do with the current situation.
John’s head was resting on my shoulder, and his body slightly droopy, as if he had fallen asleep.
Is he really asleep?
“Hey, John…? Are you awake?”
I called his name carefully, but there was no reply.
“Don’t tell me you fell asleep?”
So… he fell asleep. God, I felt embarrassed. My face was beet red. What the hell did I expect?
Feeling the heat emanating from my face, I dragged John’s sleeping body to the bed. Fortunately, the bed wasn’t too far away, else I’d be out of breath. I tried to throw him on the bed, but…
Somehow, his body fell on top of me. I was weighed down by his great physique, his broad chest pressed against me.
”Mama, are you alright?”
Josh, who had been quietly watching from the side, came to the edge of the bed and asked curiously.
“No, no, I’m not okay! Josh, help me get out…”
”Mama, what are you talking about? Couple’s usually sleep together.”
I pushed John’s body to the side with all my might. It was a bit difficult to breathe with him laying on top of me despite the air of comfort he seemed to exude. Besides that, I think I’ll be able to live.
It was when I was going to get out of bed that Josh squeezed himself between John and me. He looked so adorable seeing him snake his way in. He was smiling. It was as if his broken family had mended once again.
And then… there was that man towards the other side that had locked any form escape. He had placed his arms around my waist so I’d not be able to flee.
“Today, the three of us will sleep together.”
I’m not your real mom.
Was what I wanted to say, but I did not have the confidence to do so. When I saw his smiling face, I could not bring myself to be the cause of his broken heart.
Josh smiled and wiggled his head towards me.
“Mama, your scent, it feels like home. I can’t believe we’re sleeping together again… I’m so happy.”
Josh, why must your voice be full of happiness?
The word “mother’s scent” made my heart ache for I know I will never become his mother. He is not of my blood… he is not my son.
I looked down at the child with nothing to say. He pretended to sleep with his eyes shut tight as if to stop me from answering.
I could see his eyelids closing and opening. Heh, he’s not even sleeping.
With a little effort, I could shake Josh’s shackle around me, but I didn’t. I stopped resisting my current predicament. I gave up and hugged the little kid.
I hope my scent is enough. I hope it reaches Josh. I hope he’ll be able to smell the scent of his birth mother. I hope he won’t ever feel sad.
It was strange to feel such strong feelings by a child who I had only known for a few hours. Maybe it was his innocence that allowed him to snake his way in my heart.
I felt Josh hug me tighter. I smiled and closed my eyes and gently stroked his soft, delicate, blonde hair.
Tomorrow, when John wakes up from his sleep, I know he won’t like what he would soon see… but I wonder… I wonder what will happen the moment he drives me out of the mansion. Today might be a dream. If it is, I hope it’ll continue. I would hate to part with this cute little child.
Soon after, my thoughts were becoming dull…
Everything became dark…
John slept soundly. He was at peace for once. Maybe it was because he saw Senna in his dreams.
After losing her, he was never the same. He never slept. The night was horribly long, and he drowned himself in wine every chance he found for he’d never be able to sleep until he’s drunk. If he doesn’t drink, Senna’s face… she won’t go away.
Time made everything dull, and the longing for her grew heavier as time passed. It was strange.
The image of her, she never seemed to leave until he was caught in his drunken stupor. But it was strange. Last night, she appeared in his dreams.
He recalled it vividly too. He couldn’t forget the way he felt when he held her in his arms like he had always dreamed. It was as if his imagination was in touch with reality.
John slowly rose from the bed and touched his temples. It was pounding and it ached. He thought of how he should reduce his alcohol for Josh’s sake.
Then, he realized that he was not alone in his bed.
He turned his head sideways. What he saw was…